The stigma behind homosexual Public display of affection (PDA) is relentless. For any straight couple, walking down the high street holding hands would not be of any issue, but you are looking at a completely different set of rules if you are gay holding your partners hand. Its ludicrous, we live in a age when it is seen as ignorant not accept homosexuality. Gay marriage is making its debut in the United Kingdom as well as the rest of the world and still society thinks it wrong to allow such behaviour to be viewed in public.
Many would argue and say that all couples gay, straight, bi, trans should not show affection in public. I understand these people, at least they are not discriminating against homosexuals, I also know many gay men who have the same opinion when it comes to showing affection in public. The boundaries are unclear when it comes to PDA, and what we can and can’t get away with. It is difference for everyone and some people feel comfortable at different levels, trust your own instinct.
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So why is it that so many homosexual couples feel awkward when it comes to PDA? I think it is because we are not as confident. We know that there will be the minority of people who will make a sarcastic or offensive remark. The who reason behind PDA is to feel secure and comforted. I don’t think that’s how many gay people feel when they are battling the boundaries. Instead they feel exposed, insecure and vulnerable.
It is of surprise that alcohol makes us react differently. The bottles should have printed on the back, ‘ caution – may cause the illusion of invincibility’. Unfortunately we are not invincible, and we need to take extra caution when we are drunk not to gain unwanted attention. The majority want to share the experience with someone special when they are clubbing. We have all done it, or will do it in the future. Flirting and kissing is harmless when you are in a gay club. If someone has a problem with homosexual PDA in a gay club then they need to leave because it is obviously not the place for them, I mean the clue is in the name! It’s only natural to want to be close with your partner in such an environment. I think gay clubs are positive because although they segregate a section of the community, it allows like-minded people to just enjoy themselves without fearing that others will not accept them for who they are.
When we are young we care about unnecessary and somewhat trivial things such as what we are wearing, how we look and what people think. We tend to worry that people will judge us for what we look like, to some extent that is true but I think age and growing up teaches you that there are just more important things in life to worry about. We learn that the ones who are judging us for what we look like are the sort of people who are not genuine, shallow and most of the time insecure about themselves.
Acceptance of homosexuality varies from where you are. Canterbury is a lovely historic city in the centre of Kent, it is about an hour’s drive from London. The people there seem nice and it is famous for it’s historic cathedral and the excellent shopping facilities and restaurants. The high street is where everything is, and on a weekend it is packed full of locals and tourists. A diverse, easy-going place to visit you would think. For some unknown reason it doesn’t feel very gay friendly, I would imagine to get a lot of abuse if I were to walk hand in hand with my boyfriend. Brighton on the other hand, located on the south coast about 2 hour drive from Canterbury is the opposite, no one would bat an eyelid if two men were happily walking hand in hand together.
It is frustrating that there are still places in the UK in the 21st century that snub homosexuals showing their affection. It feels like lying, hiding your relationship with someone you love, it just feels wrong.
Time and a Place
There is a time and a place for everything. It is important to judge where you are and how people may react to you if you are actively showing off your relationship. Airports and train stations seem to be the excusable places to me a homosexual and share your love. When time and distance have kept you away from your partner and it is that instant moment when you see each other again and like a reflex affirm your happiness with a quick hug or kiss or whatever. That is true affection, when you don’t have to think and plan it.
I don’t understand the homosexuals out there who feel as if being gay is about putting on a show. There is a rather foolish saying, ‘any publicity is good publicity’. This is not true in homosexuality, unless you fancy your chances and enjoy getting a big black eye. I get angry when I see gay men trying to prove a point, because unbeknown to them they are just making harder for the rest of us, who just want to be seen as equal.
It is hard not to feel jealous of how easy it is for straight couples to show their affections, but it shouldn’t be a struggle, if it is and you are putting on a show then that is wrong. Affection is all about true feelings, although it may seem tempting to stick two fingers up to the ignorant people in the world, sometimes that can just make the situation worse and make you look like a queen, and it seems that no body likes a queen!
PDA should not be thought about it should be natural. Be sure of yourself and your relationship, never get pushed into doing anything you do not want to do and Br!o magazine’s biggest advice is to stay true to yourself.